It's So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday . . .

Yes, that's a throwback to my teens. I will admit that I liked them, but that 's not what I want to talk about today. I've had something on my mind for a while and I have to talk about it. Being 30 has made me think a lot about change. When I was younger I hated change, but the older I get the more I begin to grasp change and look forward to it.

A few months ago I changed something in my life that I am still adjusting to. For much of my twenties I dated the same person and even after the relationship ended we remained friends. However, as time went on (years) we grew apart, but not in the way you would normally think. It wasn't one of those things where each person has different interests and moves on. It more became an issue of one poking at the other, perhaps out of jealousy. We would want to talk and see each other and it just became difficult. However, a few months ago we stopped talking all together. At first I didn't do it on purpose. I was working a lot and after a few days I realized I hadn't talked to him in a while. Then I started doing it on purpose. I felt that if he wanted to talk to me he would call me. I had done my part for years and years and if he wanted to talk to me he would. After that it became stubbornness. Both of us are equally stubborn and I am sure he thought the same thing I did.

It has been almost three months and as time goes on it becomes both easier and harder. I know how crazy that sounds, but it's the truth. Most days I feel like this was inevitable--healthy. I firmly believe that people come in and out of your life for a reason, but I don't know that I saw our friendship ending in this way. Some days it is difficult. There are things that I see or that I think about and I want to tell him about it. There are inside jokes that only he and I would understand. I see something and it will jog a memory and I will pick up the phone to text him, and then realize we aren't talking. This is in no way one of those "I love him and miss him blah blah blah" things. It is about understanding the purpose that people play in my life. It is about the changes that must occur for the things I want in my life to happen. I have known for a long time that there are certain things in my life that hold me back from grand adventures. The whole point of this year is about doing the things that I want to do and overcoming the things that hold me back.

I have come to realize that it's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday . . . but I know that saying goodbye creates opportunities to say hello.

J-O-B

My parents have always taught me that if you want something you have to work for it. I have seen my parents work and work and work, but growing up we never wanted for anything and if my parents ever wanted or needed anything they always had the money to do it.

I have had at least two jobs at a time since the day I turned 16. At some points in the last 14 years I have had four at a time--no lie! I love to work; it makes me feel accomplished. Up until a few weeks ago I was a teacher (main job). It is what I had done for the last 6 1/2 years, and I loved (almost) every minute of it . . . until about five months ago. Then it just turned into hell on earth. I had never has people show such disdain for others and do all sorts of other nonsensical things, but you don't need all the gory details. Needless to say, I am not teaching this semester. I feel like I am a pretty good teacher, and my colleagues have never said anything to the contrary--at least not to my face. So, I don't know whether or not I will ever go back, but for the next several months I am free--I'm also jobless (unless you count job number two and I don't since I don't make much money doing it).

Regardless, you would think that I would be freaking out, right? I mean I have all kinds of adult responsibilities and NO job. The sad thing is that I am not freaking out. I don 't even know why I'm not. Maybe it is because I realize I have worked more in 14 years than the average 60-year-old (sarcasm but only slight), or if it is this 30 in 365 thing or what, but I just don't care. Yes, finding a job is on the my priority list, but so is living. It has been a long time since I have felt like that's what I was doing (see blog 1). The last three weeks have been wonderful. I have done all kinds of stuff I haven't done, and while it isn't nearly as exciting as all of the other things I have planned for this year, for someone who is used to working 60 + hours a week that's an accomplishment.

I am the girl who believed that things worked a certain way. It is kind of like the fairytale that girls grow up believing, only not with the prince charming and happily ever after. I always thought you grew up, went to college, got a job doing something amazing that you loved (and more than likely went to school for) and made money doing it. That's my fairytale. I believe that what you make should directly correlate to how hard you work--I work much harder than I get paid. So, maybe this whole thing is really about finding the job I was born to do. Maybe it is about not being scared to leave my comfort zone and go for it! I have lots of talents and creativity and all I have to do now is find my niche.

Please God let me find it soon. Otherwise I might have to live in my car . . . hey, that'd be something I have never done, maybe I could write about that ;)

p.s. I was an English teacher, so yes, I do know the number rules and grammar rules and I normally follow them, but it is 1:22 and at this exact moment I don't care. Plus I'm off the clock, remember?

Thirty and Flirty and Thriving

I did it. I survived.

*Context*
I have never really liked my birthday. Having a birthday in December is somewhat difficult for obvious reasons. I love my friends and family dearly, but sometimes because of all of the other things going on in the month of December my birthday seems like it is somewhat anti-climactic.

This year was completely different. I have to say that this was probably one of the best birthdays ever. By the time I was done celebrating, I had celebrated my birthday a total of eight times. I can't even begin to describe how special I felt over the last week and a half. I had an 80s themed party, a dinner party, a bowling/80s band gathering and not to mention numerous dinners. The idea was really about celebrating the decade I was born in, and boy did I do that! I had an amazing week!  Now, I am Thirty and Flirty and Thriving. Take a look: