Oh how I wish I had grand adventures to report. But, I don't. Let me just say that the last two weeks have been pretty shittastic. I could begin to explain, but that would take hours, hours I don't have. The problem with all of the shittasticness (hey, it is my blog I will make up words if I want to) is that I have no control over any of the things that are going on. As much as I wish I had control, I have none. And on top of it, all I keep hearing in my head is Janet Jackson singing "Control." And, what is the deal with the 80s songs? Geesh!
I am surrounded by pain, fear, heartache, anxiety, hurting (physical and mental) and I have no control over any of it. Please do not read this as she is depressed, blah, blah, blah. I'm not. This isn't just me, it is my friends and family--horrible things just keep happening. I feel helpless. Unlike Ms Jackson, I have no control. The only thing I have control over is my own body, and I have been exercising that control--literally. I have been to the gym almost every day since I joined, and I haven't gone over my 1400 daily calories either. Why? Because it is the only thing I can control. One good thing that has come from my lack of life control is a five pound loss.
I know that without pain there cannot be growth. I know that without sorrow we cannot appreciate happiness. But, I am tired of the lack of control. I am tired of the shit storm. The time for something else must come. It's time. It's just time.
No comments:
Post a Comment