Lately a lot of things have been changing. Lots. I know I haven't talked about them, but I'm just not quite ready. However, tonight I decided to do a little spring cleaning. This wasn't the normal spring cleaning that happens this time of year. No. No. No. That kind of spring cleaning I enjoy. This I did not enjoy. Tonight I went through and got rid of things that remind me of people no longer in my life. I will admit, it was somewhat hard. I didn't realize how many people have shared various parts of my life. I didn't realize how many "things" I had to remember those parts by. Pictures, concert stubs, tokens of affection, what are they for? What do they do? I never realized until just a few minutes ago the kind of impact that people have had on me. I had to think about letting these people go all over again. "People" doesn't just mean a special someone(s). It's the friends, acquaintances, coworkers, etc that have all in some way influenced who I am, yet are no longer present. These people played very important roles in my life and the vast number of tokens to remember them by proves that. Does this delete their impact? Their memory? Do they remember me like I remember them? Do they know what they meant to me? I don't know the answers to these questions. Would I change the past? No. That much I do know. Will doing this spring cleaning make me feel renewed? Refreshed? Will it make me feel empty? Do I have to let go of someone from the past to make room for someone in the future? I guess only time will tell. Sometimes time is not on my side.
Maybe this year is about letting go and moving on. Maybe that's what this was about. Maybe I just don't have the answers. What I do know is that these people are all part of my past. The past is just the past, and "When it comes to the past we all stack the deck."
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