It's Official

Well, as of 1:45 today it's official . . .

So, this is pretty much made of awesome!

A Lesson Learned

"When it comes to the past, we all stack the deck."

One of my favorite Stephen King quotes. Wireman. Duma Key.

I realized today just how true this is. I had an argument with someone from my past, and I realized that through this discussion we both saw things very differently. Why is that? Why do we see things the way we want to instead of how they really were? How do you know who's right? After this discussion, I decided it was better to just leave things the way they were. We both very much stacked the deck.

That was today's lesson learned.

On a different note, my closing is supposed to be one week from today, and I still haven't heard anything back about my inspection response . . . great.

Also, I will be in Guatemala in 20 days.

That is all.

When one door closes . . .

You know the old adage . . .

Today I shut the door and handed over my keys.

I have been so busy I haven't yet had time to think about it. I am not sure if I have any emotions about it. I feel like there are lots of changes and I should be looking forward to them, but at the same time I have so much going on I don't have time to think about anything. Am I excited, sad, happy, nervous, etc about moving? I really don't know. It just seems to be what it is.

Right now I am dealing with the whole house situation. So far, things have gone rather smoothly. The inspection even went very well, but there were a few things that I wanted fixed and they don't seem to want to do that. I am annoyed and contemplating whether it is worth it. I have made my final decision and if they don't agree then I do something else. I pick a different door. I haven't said much about the house situation because I don't want something to happen and have to explain everything to everyone. Let it suffice to say that it is in progress.

I've also been looking for a job. This is a huge deal to me because I have worked in the same place for 11 years. I worked at my other job for 6 years and have been planning to go back, but something just feels wrong about that. It just seems different.  Things are changing there and I have bills to pay, so I gotta do something else.

Also, my niece graduated last weekend and this weekend is her graduation party. I want to be able to relax and enjoy that memory and not continue to be on fog mode.

I feel like a kid all over again. I feel like I should have made these decisions already. Things should have been in place. In some ways it makes me feel like a failure. Am I? I don't know.

This brings me to the point. The sermon at church on Sunday was about worry. Actually, it was about not worrying and trusting that God will provide and is in control. I believe that He knows what is right and what I am to do/have/be, but sometimes it is hard to relinquish control and let things be . . . especially when they don't look all that promising. It is hard not to worry, but worrying does nothing but make things worse, so I am not worrying. I am looking forward to what is to come. Not worrying can be exhausting ;)

I know that when one door closes another one opens. Right now, there are lots of doors closing. I just hope someone remembered to unlock the other doors.

Pack it up, put it in, back where we belong

Packing sucks!

However, spending hours of quality time by myself has allowed me to realize a few things. For one, I realized that I moved in here the weekend that Kian graduated. I will be moving out the weekend that Kelcey graduates (in like three days). It seems a bit ironic.

I also realize that when we are left to our own devices, we always seem to find a way to figure it out. We do what we must.

Three years ago there was a dramatic shift in my life. It is what brought me here. I moved in here when Josh and I broke up. Packing sucked then, too. But, I left most everything there and just started over again. I sit here with boxes piled around me thinking about what's happened over the last several years and I realize this new dramatic shift in my life comes at a perfect time. Is is coincidental that it happened during the year that I vowed to make grand? Maybe. Or, maybe it is because I have let go of the past and am finally, finally embracing the future.

This time I am not leaving everything, but it does seem like I am starting all over again. I am amazed at how things have changed and continue to change, how I feel nothing yet everything all at the same time.

"Pack it up, put it in, back where we belong spend a little time before the time is gone.
Set it up, take it down, you know the world keeps spinning 'round.
Everything, yeah everything has its place."

I think I'm finally finding mine :)