Dear Kara

Dear Kara,

You know that thing. You know, THAT thing we have been talking about. I did THAT today. All I can say is girl, I still got it ;)

I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Your friend,

Jaron

Um, Nothing

*Warning: This may seem offensive to some.*

So, the last few weeks have been less than eventful, unless you count all of the awful things that keep happening, but I'm not. I have been thinking about what I can do to have a new experience--you know, I need writing material until the good stuff comes. So I thought and thought and thought and thought and wasn't coming up with anything. Then, as I was sitting at my computer one night a commercial for eharmony came on.

This is where the potentially offensive part comes in.

I think the whole online dating thing is kind of a joke. For me it reeks of desperation. I am one of those people that thinks you will get what you are supposed to have you just need to have some patience. Of course online dating is going to be successful. People want someone to want them. If two people sign up for online dating they are in the same place as far as what they are looking for, right? Now, don't get me wrong, I have had plenty of friends who have met wonderful people online and gone on to have wonderful relationships. However, it is just not something I think I could tell other people I did. This does not make me an elitist, so don't be offended. It is just a personal choice.

But, the other night I was sitting here and that stupid commercial came on . . . and so I got online and took the compatibility quiz. Hmmmm. Well, twenty-some-odd minutes later I had been questioned and they had found seven people who they thought I was compatible with. SEVEN. At first I was like seriously? And then I thought I am really just not compatible with other people. I know this and I got a little giggle out of it.

24 hours later

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, incessant dinging. Within 24 hours I had been matched with over 70 men from Fort Wayne. Um, I didn't even know there were 70 single men in Fort Wayne--I do now. I got back online and looked to see what they had found for me, and I came to realize that they had gotten my compatible matches on the fact that I don't smoke, I don't care if people drink, I go to the gym every day, and I like movies. Um, I kinda feel like there has to be more to it than that. I am a person who can tell within about 5 minutes if I can stand to spend time with someone else. I don't really base my feelings on whether or not someone else goes to the gym.

So, after the incessant dinging I couldn't stand it anymore and I had to delete it. I had to. Yes, I could have made the dinging stop, but really I don't want to base my relationship on the fact that I don't smoke, I can read, and I go to the gym. Um, no thank you. But, you know what's awesome about it? I learned that there are single people in Fort Wayne, AND I have something else I can say I did--even if it was only for 24 hours ;)

So . . .

This whole 30 in 365 thing is about the 365 days of my 30th year, right? Putting myself outside of my comfort zone, right? Right. So . . . today I went to the doctor. Allow me to preface by saying I hate going to the doctor. I didn't used to hate going, but for some reason now I do. In fact, I haven't even stepped foot in a doctor's office since July of 2009. Today I went to the doctor--anxiety in tow. I will save you the gory details, but it should suffice to say that I made myself go and that is one "event" I can check off of my to do list. I will tell you that she said everything looked a-ok.

But, here is the real kicker . . . and the reason I made you read the previous paragraph, because I am sure you were thinking TMI! I got my shots. Now, you may be thinking "Is Jaron a dog and I didn't know it?" While I have been called a bitch from time to time I can assure you I am not a dog. Instead, I had to get my shots for my ventures out of the country!!!! Yes, there are some totally awesome things in store for the next few months, but I will save those stories for another day. Trust me, they are stories you aren't gonna want to miss!

Control

Oh how I wish I had grand adventures to report. But, I don't. Let me just say that the last two weeks have been pretty shittastic. I could begin to explain, but that would take hours, hours I don't have. The problem with all of the shittasticness (hey, it is my blog I will make up words if I want to) is that I have no control over any of the things that are going on. As much as I wish I had control, I have none. And on top of it, all I keep hearing in my head is Janet Jackson singing "Control." And, what is the deal with the 80s songs? Geesh!

I am surrounded by pain, fear, heartache, anxiety, hurting (physical and mental) and I have no control over any of it. Please do not read this as she is depressed, blah, blah, blah. I'm not. This isn't just me, it is my friends and family--horrible things just keep happening. I feel helpless. Unlike Ms Jackson, I have no control. The only thing I have control over is my own body, and I have been exercising that control--literally. I have been to the gym almost every day since I joined, and I haven't gone over my 1400 daily calories either. Why? Because it is the only thing I can control. One good thing that has come from my lack of life control is a five pound loss.

I know that without pain there cannot be growth. I know that without sorrow we cannot appreciate happiness. But, I am tired of the lack of control. I am tired of the shit storm. The time for something else must come. It's time. It's just time.

Read, Read, Wine

I am pulling from my inner Beckett here, so this may not make a lot of sense. There are lots of things currently flowing through my head (as you can tell by the title). Consider yourself warned.  
Read, Read, Wine you make me feel so fine . . . I am an escapist. I feel I always have been. That's why I love to read. That's why I love SK. I get so caught up in the stories that I forget about me, my life, and sometimes I like it that way. It makes me feel so fine . . .One of the things that I have wanted to do is read more. I used to read all of the time, but when your job is to read things until your eyes cross some of the luster wears off. But, since I am not currently "working," I have had time to read. Moments ago I finished Just After Sunset. It is a series of short stories (my favorite), and many of them are set in Florida. SK has a home in Sarasota and so reading these stories puts me there. I have been to the places he is referring to and these places bring up wonderful memories for me (although that isn't always the case for SK's characters).

The last time I was in Florida it was with my friend (see previous blog). He has been on my mind a lot lately and I don't really know why. So, reading these stories about places that I have seen and been to connects me to the memories--it also connects me to the story. I got to escape, even if only for a brief moment to a different time and place. SK has an amazing way of making that happen. We all have our gifts and writing is definitely his. Thank God for that.

The minute I closed the book I had a thousand thoughts running through my head. I thought about the story. I thought about how much I have missed reading. I thought about homophones (read/red). I thought about you-know-who. I thought about literature. I thought about Beckett. I thought about escaping, about how I use books and movies to do that. I thought about how much I want to make things happen. I thought about how I need to find a job. I thought about what's next . . .

Dear Diary

I was recently reading TIME and I came across an article about the 50 best iphone apps. I already had quite a few of them. I mean really, who doesn't already have Angry Birds, IMDb, and Scrabble? But I did find one that I didn't have and seemed to be right up my alley in this whole do the things you want to do thing. So, I thought I would try it out. It's called Lose It! It's an electronic food diary that is SUPER easy to use. It starts by asking you the normal questions like: height, weight, age, where you want to be by when, etc. It gives you the amount of calories you are allowed in one day based on the information provided, then each day you plug in any exercise you have done, and what you ate. It has lists of supermarket brand foods, restaurant foods, and foods you would make at home and all you have to do is plug what you ate right in. It is really easy to do. But, I have learned a few things already by doing so:
1. 1,400 calories don't go very far.
2. An apple=a Rice Krispies treat, but a Rice Krispies treat tastes WAY better.
3. 3/4 a cup of Special K (which I love) is really NOT a lot.
4. It is a darn good thing I joined a gym so that I can work off all of the calories I go over each day, because according to my diary if I exercise I can eat more (at least that how I'm interpreting it).
5. Maybe I can just buy bigger pants ;)

Getting Buffy!

Since March I have been struggling with my weight (do not misread this as I think I'm fat, etc). No matter what I seem to do I just can't seem to get rid of the few extra pounds I have put on. Maybe they magically appear after your 29th birthday instead of your 30th ;) Regardless, it has really been bothering me the last several weeks, and if being 30 is about trying new things and being the best I can be I am going to stick to it. So, today I joined a gym. When I was in my early 20s I belonged to a gym and I LOVED it--I was in the best shape of my life. But, they went out of business and I haven't belonged to a real gym since then. I am so stoked and can't wait to get started.

Hey, who knows, maybe if I work really hard I will look better in my 30s than I did in my 20s! This is me getting buffy :)