30 in 365

In mere hours my 365th day will commence. This year has been pretty amazing. It turned out to be everything I ever could have hoped for and more. I set out on the journey of this year with the idea to make it great. I didn't feel like I had accomplished all  that I had hoped to in my 20s and I was bound and determined to make 30 everything that my 20s hadn't been. I wanted to feel like I had really lived. I have to say that I fit a lot of living into the last 365 days. I couldn't be happier. I know that I will not forget all that 30 brought me, and more has happened than what the confines of this blog allows. But, here's a recap just to prove how amazing it has been:



I joined a gym and got all buffy
(the last few weeks has killed that, but not for long)





I went to LA, and ROCKED it!



I went to Australia--a dream come true





I bought a new house.
It is AMAZING!

I got back to my roots.

I went to Guatemala and learned that I have so
much when others have so little.





I rid myself of my albatross.

I visited A Christmas Story House,
fulfilling another dream.





I met Chris. Probably the most unexpected
part of this year, but a great part nevertheless.

Instead of the cross, the Albatross About my neck was hung

"The selfsame moment I could pray;
And from my neck so free
The Albatross fell off, and sank
Like lead into the sea."

The Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner

3rd annual

For the last few years my friend Laura and I have celebrated my birthday at Buffalo Wings and Ribs--our favorite. I don't get to see Laura much, but I've known her my whole life and any time I see her it doesn't seem like any time has passed. I'm blessed with great friends.

So it begins

Allow the 31st birthday festivities begin

T-minus 27 hours

It just occurred to me today that I have a mere day before I officially turn 31. It also just occurred to me that 31 sounds old when you say it. Say 30 and it sounds young and hip and thriving. Um, 31, not so much. I've already begun the birthday celebrations and I'm quite excited about them. I have a few things I must post tomorrow to finish out this amazing year, but I do have to say 30, flirty, and thriving indeed I have been.

A Major Award

This weekend I had the opportunity to do something I have always dreamed of doing. I visited A Christmas Story house in Cleveland. I have loved A Christmas Story since I was about 16. Since I found out about A Christmas Story House several years ago, I have wanted to go. Thanks to the ever-wonderful Chris Mann who said "Let's go," I got to go. It was everything I hoped it would be--even better, it snowed big beautiful flakes, just like in the movie. Check it out:

The Girls

Friday night was the first official annual girls "getting ready for Christmas" party. Let me say that it was EPIC. Oh, and my girls can drink. Simply a sample of what we got into :)

31 Days

I have a mere 31 days until I turn 31, and I have to say that so far 30 has been a pretty damn amazing year. I have travelled half way around the world--twice. I bought a house, and a combination of other very important things. However, the thing I am the most excited about is cutting the Albatross loose from my neck and shoeing my Achilles Heel. These are two things that have kept me from my future for a VERY long time. They are the two things that have held me back from what I have wanted my whole life. I am beyond excited to say that the things I envisioned coming to me when I let these things go are in fact coming to me. I cannot wait to see what's in store for the next 31 days :)

Amputation

The wounds are deep. The flesh is raw. Words are the placebo. Where's the Vicodin?

The feelings are trapped. Hatred. Fear. Peace. Anger. Relief. Knowledge. Jealousy.

Tears are the only thing that escape to acknowledge. Hatred. Fear. Peace. Anger. Relief. Knowledge. Jealousy.

The nerves are numb. Even with them gone, the feeling will still exist. Every once in a while you will reach for it. It will not be there.

The pain is a phantom. You know you were right. It had to go. It has always been this way. What was dead was holding you back.

Untrap. Hatred. Fear. Peace. Anger. Relief. Knowledge. Jealousy.

Do you pray for them?

Today I spent the day with my niece. We made cookies, cupcakes, rice crispies treats, and brownies. After all was said and done, we delivered some goodies to a few of my neighbors. First, we went to Pete's house. We chatted for a few minutes, and as we were walking away from the house, my niece grabbed my hand and said "Aunt Jaron, do you ever pray for Pete?" I will be honest, I was taken a bit off guard by her question. Honestly, I don't know if I ever have. I do know that what she said really hit me.

Who do I pray for? What am I doing? I've been in a bit of a rough spot recently. I can't even begin to explain it, and I really don't want to. I know what is going on and really, only I can deal. But, Kaydence's question made me wonder what I should be doing. Perhaps right this second I'm supposed to put all of my troubles aside and pray for other people. Perhaps others are in the same spot I am. Perhaps they need me. I know that right this minute there are things I need and maybe, just maybe, God was speaking through my five year old niece to say "Jaron, do you pray for them?" because maybe others need prayer. Maybe someone else is praying for me, or maybe it was God saying "Jaron, you are not alone in your troubles. Do you pray for them?

Kentucky Roots

A few weeks ago I took a trip to Kentucky with my dad. It had been like 10 years since I had last been there and I thought it was time to go back. So, ROAD TRIP with my pops. I am a firm believer in the idea that you can't really know where you are going unless you know where you came from. I didn't do much while I was in Kentucky, but I learned a lot about where I came from. Of that I am proud.

On Holly Ridge

This is a picture of my dad standing in front of the cave my great great  great grandparents lived in when they first moved to Kentucky.











There are lots of little family cemeteries on the mountain tops. These are my first relatives in Kentucky. They moved to Kentucky from West Virginia.

 

The first graves were built on top of the ground

This is the first house that was built on Holly. The Hollon's moved from the cave to this house. I can't believe it has stood this long--I guess they don't make things like they used to.



This is my dad and his cousin George at the Elkins cemetery. It overlooks the property my great grandpa owned.

This is my dad standing in front of the barn his grandpa Clifford built. Grandpa Clifford was dad's hero, and seemed to be the person who was always there for him.

I may have never actually lived in Kentucky, but that's where my roots run. Understanding why Kentucky is so special for my dad helps me to understand him better.  And, I know my dad won't always be here to tell the stories; one day they will be up to me to share.  I may not always know where I am going, but I do know where I've been.

Pull

I only have a few short months to do new things in my 365 days, so this week I did something that I had never done before--trap shooting. While I have done target shooting, I have never shot at a moving target (except that one time . . . just kidding). I have to admit it is a pretty good time, and this is what I have to show for it ---------------------------------->

I hit a total of three. Don't judge me. I don't normally shoot at moving targets. I really wanted to jump up and down and do a little jig, but jumping up and down with a gun in your hand probably isn't a good idea. Plus, making noise sets off the pigeons.

Thanks to my friend, I have something new to add to my list of firsts, I got to hang with some pretty cool old guys (and let's just be honest, old men love me), and I also ran into a long time family friend all at the same time!

While I may have only hit three this time. I am gonna shoot (pun intended) for ten next time.

Ready? Pull . . .

You've always been there for me

You've always been there for me. Thank you.

Those eight words don't look like much, but I can't tell you how much they mean to me. I have waited years and years and years to hear them. They finally came. I cannot begin to tell you what all I have done to earn those words--you'd probably gasp at the thought if I did. However, that's not the point. The point is that those eight little words finally mean that maybe he gets it. Maybe, just maybe, he finally sees.

When was the last time you said those words? Do the people who are always there for you know that YOU know? Sometimes these words can be hard to say. They can be hard to type. They can be hard to write. But, they do need to be said. They just do. I can just about guarantee you that you probably don't know just how much it means to someone else to hear you say them--maybe you do.

I try to use them often. Sometimes I fail.

This week. I heard them. I finally heard them and those eight words have never sounded so sweet.

My Roots, My Family, My Thanks

I am not really sure why I feel it necessary to say this right now, but I do, so I will. I have been sitting and watching a show on tv about Appalachia--specifically about Kentucky. Ironically they were talking about a part of the country where my family comes from. People in this area face a lot of hardships of all kinds, but that's not the point of this blog.  While I have never lived in Kentucky, that is where I am from--where my family is from.

My father is from Kentucky and my mother is from southern Indiana. Neither of my parents grew up having a lot, and they would probably hate me for broadcasting that to the world, but you have to understand the context to get the text. While I was watching this show today I had an uncanny need to call my parents and tell them thank you.  That's just what I did.

I try to say thank you a lot, but sometimes people just need to know how much you appreciate them. You see, since my parents never had a lot they made sure that my brother, sister, and I had everything we could ever want, need, desire, etc growing up. As a kid there was never anything that I wanted that I didn't get. There was never any place that I wanted to go that I never went. My parents didn't want our lives to be like their lives, so they gave us everything they possibly could. How? Hard work. Lots and lots of hard work.

People often ask me why I work so hard, why I work every hour that I can, why I never rest. You know why? Because I have seen what hard work does. I have seen what hard work gets you. I NEVER would be where I am had it not been for my parents. So, while my roots are deep in a place that is laden with difficulty, and my family comes from places that weren't always full of opportunities, I have learned to be who I am because of my parents. I have learned to be who I am--to be somebody because of where they came from, what they did.

Why do I need to say this? Because I know that my roots run deep, my family is priceless, and they deserve my thanks!



*And it just so happens that this need to tell them thank you happened on their anniversary :)

A Reflection

I realize that I haven't written on here in quite some time. I haven't forgotten about it, and I have tons of things that I want to write about. I have to tell you all about Guatemala, and camp, and the house, and all kinds of other things.

However, right this second I have something I feel is necessary to talk about. On March 4th I wrote about the things that I wanted to accomplish this year. They were things that I wanted to do. The list looked like this:

My Albatross: Working on it
My Achilles: Working through it
My Australia: Booking it
My Mission: Trusting it
My Struggles: Letting them go
My Life: Making it

As of today, it looks like this:

My Albatross: Has been freed from around my neck
My Achilles: Has its place
My Australia: Was an experience of a lifetime
My Mission: Was fulfilled
My Struggles: Have come to peace
My Life: Is exactly where it is supposed to be

What's this mean?

The first 228 days of my 365 have been pretty amazing. It has truly been full of adventures and experiences.  I cannot wait to see what is in store for the next 137.

Stay tuned to see what I have been up to in the last several weeks :)

Go and make disciples

So, in a measly 24 hours, a group of 36 people from my church and I will be on our way to Guatemala.

What will we be doing?

Click here: Disciple Makers

Where will I be?

Click here: Jalapa

This trip has been in the works since October of last year, and has taken a lot to put together. So, if you are the praying type, say one for us.

And, thank you to all of you who helped make this possible! You don't know how much it means to me!

I will tell you all about this next grand adventure when I get back!

It's Official

Well, as of 1:45 today it's official . . .

So, this is pretty much made of awesome!

A Lesson Learned

"When it comes to the past, we all stack the deck."

One of my favorite Stephen King quotes. Wireman. Duma Key.

I realized today just how true this is. I had an argument with someone from my past, and I realized that through this discussion we both saw things very differently. Why is that? Why do we see things the way we want to instead of how they really were? How do you know who's right? After this discussion, I decided it was better to just leave things the way they were. We both very much stacked the deck.

That was today's lesson learned.

On a different note, my closing is supposed to be one week from today, and I still haven't heard anything back about my inspection response . . . great.

Also, I will be in Guatemala in 20 days.

That is all.

When one door closes . . .

You know the old adage . . .

Today I shut the door and handed over my keys.

I have been so busy I haven't yet had time to think about it. I am not sure if I have any emotions about it. I feel like there are lots of changes and I should be looking forward to them, but at the same time I have so much going on I don't have time to think about anything. Am I excited, sad, happy, nervous, etc about moving? I really don't know. It just seems to be what it is.

Right now I am dealing with the whole house situation. So far, things have gone rather smoothly. The inspection even went very well, but there were a few things that I wanted fixed and they don't seem to want to do that. I am annoyed and contemplating whether it is worth it. I have made my final decision and if they don't agree then I do something else. I pick a different door. I haven't said much about the house situation because I don't want something to happen and have to explain everything to everyone. Let it suffice to say that it is in progress.

I've also been looking for a job. This is a huge deal to me because I have worked in the same place for 11 years. I worked at my other job for 6 years and have been planning to go back, but something just feels wrong about that. It just seems different.  Things are changing there and I have bills to pay, so I gotta do something else.

Also, my niece graduated last weekend and this weekend is her graduation party. I want to be able to relax and enjoy that memory and not continue to be on fog mode.

I feel like a kid all over again. I feel like I should have made these decisions already. Things should have been in place. In some ways it makes me feel like a failure. Am I? I don't know.

This brings me to the point. The sermon at church on Sunday was about worry. Actually, it was about not worrying and trusting that God will provide and is in control. I believe that He knows what is right and what I am to do/have/be, but sometimes it is hard to relinquish control and let things be . . . especially when they don't look all that promising. It is hard not to worry, but worrying does nothing but make things worse, so I am not worrying. I am looking forward to what is to come. Not worrying can be exhausting ;)

I know that when one door closes another one opens. Right now, there are lots of doors closing. I just hope someone remembered to unlock the other doors.

Pack it up, put it in, back where we belong

Packing sucks!

However, spending hours of quality time by myself has allowed me to realize a few things. For one, I realized that I moved in here the weekend that Kian graduated. I will be moving out the weekend that Kelcey graduates (in like three days). It seems a bit ironic.

I also realize that when we are left to our own devices, we always seem to find a way to figure it out. We do what we must.

Three years ago there was a dramatic shift in my life. It is what brought me here. I moved in here when Josh and I broke up. Packing sucked then, too. But, I left most everything there and just started over again. I sit here with boxes piled around me thinking about what's happened over the last several years and I realize this new dramatic shift in my life comes at a perfect time. Is is coincidental that it happened during the year that I vowed to make grand? Maybe. Or, maybe it is because I have let go of the past and am finally, finally embracing the future.

This time I am not leaving everything, but it does seem like I am starting all over again. I am amazed at how things have changed and continue to change, how I feel nothing yet everything all at the same time.

"Pack it up, put it in, back where we belong spend a little time before the time is gone.
Set it up, take it down, you know the world keeps spinning 'round.
Everything, yeah everything has its place."

I think I'm finally finding mine :)

*Sniffle*

In a few weeks my niece will graduate from high school. I have been trying to prepare myself for this because I know I am going to cry. A lot. I didn't really cry when Kian graduated. I always knew that he was too big for this place. He needed to have his grand adventures and that he would do great things. He is well on his way! However, I have always been very close to Kelcey. This in NO way, shape, nor form means that I don't love each of my nieces and nephews equally. It just means that Kelcey is the glue.

Before I go any further, perhaps I should explain something in case not everyone who reads this blog understands. I am very, very, very, close to my nieces and nephews. For some people that's strange. I am not really close to my aunts and uncles, so I get that. However, for me it's what I want. I want them to know that they mean the world to me. I want them to know that they can come to me. I've been there for the basketball games, and the soccer games, and the choir programs, the first dates, the proms, etc. You name, it, I've been there. So much so, that I get presents on Mother's Day :)

Back to my point. I asked Kelcey the other day what she would like to have for graduation. At first she couldn't come up with anything  because of course everything costs money (she is the biggest tight wad I have ever met!). Finally she decided on a Kindle (or some kind of e-reader). Perfect. I LOVE this idea! I do some research. Make a decision. Then, today my sister calls me and tells me that Kelcey doesn't have a camera and that she has been talking about wanting one like Kim and I have (we both carry them in our purses at all times). That's cool, my sister's giving me some options. I like this. However, I was thinking about which Kelc would use more. I couldn't really decide.

*Epiphany*

Tonight I was driving and it hit me. Literally. Like a lightening bolt . . .

I take pictures of EVERYTHING.

Kelcey has been a part of some of the greatest memories of my life. Now, she is getting ready to start the next chapter of her life, one of her greatest journies. Now she needs to capture the moments and the memories that SHE will never forget. I will help her do that.

And that's when the tears came.

My Own Reality Check

Ok, so I have been under a little (lot of) stress recently. For a day or two I let that get to me. Today I gave myself the proverbial shake. I did not, will not, let today get to me. I realized that bad stuff happens. Good stuff happens. It's biblical. Floods, famine, fortune. It's all in there.

Really, though, it is about perspective. Would you appreciate all of the good things that happen to you if you didn't have the bad to compare it to? I know I wouldn't. I appreciate the bad times. Don't misinterpret that. I don't like that bad stuff. Sometimes I don't even understand the bad stuff. However, I have learned that "this too shall pass," and what was supposed to happen will happen. That has been promised.

Here's the reality check. Bad things have happened for thousands of years. They will continue to happen. But, good things happen too. It ebbs and flows just like the tide. However, how you react says a lot about who you are. How will you react to the difficulties you face? Are you going to accept them? Learn from them? Run from them? Throw a pity party?

Today I made a choice. I chose to accept the difficulties I am given, knowing full well that there is something I was meant to learn. I accept the difficulties knowing, that in the end, with a little faith, I will end up exactly where I am supposed to be.

Hmmm-K

I've had a lot on my mind lately. I have had a thousand things to think about and worry about. For the last several days this whole house situation has been on the forefront of my brain. One month from today I will have no place to live (yes, I could find somewhere, but that's not the point). I can't seem to find a house that I like. Nothing just screams "Jaron!" The thing is, I don't want to settle. I am not just going to pick what will work and give up on what I want. I keep telling myself that it will all work out--it always does. But, I would be lying if I didn't admit that I am beginning to panic a bit. And of course, I have a thousand other things on my plate right now as well.

But . . .

For some reason this whole house situation has gotten me thinking about my life in general. My attitude about buying this house is the same attitude I have about my life. I don't want to settle. If I had wanted to settle I could have done it twice before, but I didn't. I wanted what felt right, and I still do. I realize it is about the little things--the quirks you could say.

I don't want it all. I just want what is me.

Hmmm-K life, I am waiting--just like always--to see where you want to take me.

LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA

I hopped off the plane at LAX with a dream and a cardigan . . .

And so began the journey.

Let me begin by saying that I heart Los Angeles. You can almost feel the hope in the air. People are there living out dreams of making it big. Some will make it, many will not. Regardless, you can feel it in the air--although, that might be the smog ;)

So, what makes LA so great?

1. Alex lives there--yeah, that was just for you Alex.

2. Lots of different kinds of food--girl likes to eat!

3. The sun!!!

4. There are two Hard Rock Cafes.

5. Hustle and bustle (I for one like it).

6. I am a movie buff (this should be self explanatory).

7. You can wear ANYTHING and call it fashionable!

8. The ocean.

9. There is a Lucky Brand or Niketown store on like every corner.

10. Variety, variety, variety, and variety IS the spice of life.

Have you ever noticed that I like to make lists? I wonder why that is :)

I'm Baaaaaack

I am home from my first grand adventure of the year. I had a ton of fun, but it is good to be home. I missed my family, my friends, and my Diet Mountain Dew :) I will have lots of posts about my trip, but I want to start with a few things I learned:

1. Australia DOES NOT HAVE PEPSI PRODUCTS! Ok, so they do have regular Pepsi, but even that is hard to find and I don't drink regular soda. All you see is Coke, Coke, Coke, and Coke.

2. (This one is for Ben). The toilets in Australia do not flush backwards. In fact, they don't really flush at all like ours do. Instead they work a lot like airplane toilets.

3. There is a McDonald's on almost every corner. Think of Starbucks here and it is pretty much the same thing.

4. They call McDonald's "Mackers" and also "the American Embassy" in jest. Hee hee hee

5. You know how our McDonald's have what they call the McCafe menu? There they actually have a McCafe. Each McDonald's has a separate part where they have fancy coffees, danish, cheesecakes, cookies, donuts, oh and amazing muffins amongst other things! This part of the restaurant is separate and is decorated completely different. Imagine having a Starbucks INSIDE a McDonald's--that's pretty much what it looks like.

6. Australia is not at all like what you see on TV. Yes, they have pretty beaches, but often times you won't find people there. Why? Because the whole place is laden with crocodiles. EVERYWHERE! Signs, signs, everywhere are signs . . .  saying not to swim, wade, walk, etc because there are crocodiles. Now, this did not occur to me right away, but a friend said to me "Duh, Jaron why do you think the Crocodile Hunter was from there?" Point taken.

7. They take Good Friday, Easter, and ANZAC Day seriously. How do I know? Because everyone in pretty much the whole country goes on vacation and EVERYTHING closes down. You think I am kidding, but I am not. Grocery stores, malls, gas stations, eateries, etc all close for 4-5 days to celebrate these holidays. This makes finding something to do a bit difficult.

8. Australia should really be called Asia Minor. I hate to say it, but most of the people who you see in Australia are of Asian descent. This again, was not something I had anticipated. To visit Australia you have to have a Visa in addition to your passport. Often times we did get asked for our passports, but never for our Visas. Finally I asked someone why. Their answer: "Because you're American. We know you're going home." Guess who goes to Australia and does not go home?

9. Australians call jelly fish stingers. I will post a picture of this later to show you.

10. Crocodile is actually pretty yummy.

11. Why are Australians mostly fit? Because they pretty much all run. All day all over the place there are people jogging. It is almost like walking through a marathon. Literally.

12. Why do they run? Because they have to make up for the fact that they eat french fries (chips) with everything. This is not an exaggeration. You order anything and it comes with french fries. If I never see another french fry it will be too soon. Only one place did I ever see veggies as a side option. You order pasta, it comes with fries. You order pizza, it comes with fries. You order salad (which are difficult to find at all), you get fries. You get my point. In addition, every restaurant also offers potato wedges as an appetizer. And, they always come served with sour cream and sweet chili sauce. I will admit that the sweet chili sauce is delicious.

13. They also eat lots and lots of pizza. Now, this is not pizza of the Pizza Hut, Dominos, Papa Johns variety. No. This kind of pizza is small and personalized and often comes with some sort of seafood (calamari or octopus), kangaroo, or emu as a topping. YUMMY!

14. Qantas is probably the best thing to come out of Australia. Hands down.

15. What they say about Australian men is true--if you can find one. They are few and far between.

16. Over 90% of the world's opals come from Australia. And, opals are fossilized bones, teeth, shells, etc.

17. Everything there costs way more than it should. A 20 ounce bottle of soda costs $5.00. You can buy beer for the same price. Also, a case of soda is $32.00. Makes you want to go on vacation, doesn't it?

18. Almost every single solitary store sells Ugg or Emu boots. I hated them before. I hate them even more now.

19. Rat tails are apparently coming back in style, at least there, because lots and lots of men had them. UGH! NASTY!

20. I learned lots and lots of other things on this trip, but perhaps the greatest thing I learned was that no matter how great it is to see other places, ther really is "no place like home."

Ahhhmazing

It's been a while since I have posted anything, but things have been crazy. Literally. But, they have been crazy good. It's about time.

I have a certain albatross that has been hanging around my neck for quite some time. That knot is coming lose and it feels amazing! It is the thing that has held me back and I know it. I am glad to see it go.

In other good news, the hard work has paid off. As of yet I have lost almost 15 pounds. I love this as well! It feels so good!

I have only one day left until I leave for my Australian adventure! I cannot believe that it is here already! However, I haven't packed anything yet. Like. At. All. So, I guess I will be pulling an all nighter after work tomorrow to get everything together.

I have two other things that I would love to share, but I don't want to jinx them ;)

See you in two weeks for updates about my grand adventure to the land down under . . .

Everything's Changing

There are so many things going on right now! Everything's changing and I love it. I know this isn't really in depth, but there are a few things of note to remember:

1. Only nine more days until my vacation. I am stoked, but the thought of packing for two weeks is intimidating!
2. As of yesterday I have lost over ten pounds, but MAJOR inches!
3. I have turned in my notice to vacate.
4. My realtor is awesome. I heart him.
5. Girl's still got it . . .  ;)

A Little Spring Cleaning

Lately a lot of things have been changing. Lots. I know I haven't talked about them, but I'm just not quite ready. However, tonight I decided to do a little spring cleaning. This wasn't the normal spring cleaning that happens this time of year. No. No. No. That kind of spring cleaning I enjoy. This I did not enjoy. Tonight I went through and got rid of things that remind me of people no longer in my life. I will admit, it was somewhat hard. I didn't realize how many people have shared various parts of my life. I didn't realize how many "things" I had to remember those parts by. Pictures, concert stubs, tokens of affection, what are they for? What do they do? I never realized until just a few minutes ago the kind of impact that people have had on me. I had to think about letting these people go all over again. "People" doesn't just mean a special someone(s). It's the friends, acquaintances, coworkers, etc that have all in some way influenced who I am, yet are no longer present. These people played very important roles in my life and the vast number of tokens to remember them by proves that. Does this delete their impact? Their memory? Do they remember me like I remember them? Do they know what they meant to me? I don't know the answers to these questions. Would I change the past? No. That much I do know. Will doing this spring cleaning make me feel renewed? Refreshed? Will it make me feel empty? Do I have to let go of someone from the past to make room for someone in the future? I guess only time will tell. Sometimes time is not on my side.

Maybe this year is about letting go and moving on. Maybe that's what this was about. Maybe I just don't have the answers. What I do know is that these people are all part of my past. The past is just the past, and "When it comes to the past we all stack the deck."

G'Day Mate

It is finally starting to sink in that I am going to Australia. I looked online tonight to see where I will be staying. I hope everything looks as good in person as it does online.

In Sydney I am staying at the Shangri La. Yes, I picked it for the name :) The Shangri La

In Cairns I am staying at the Kuranda Resort Kuranda

Big things really are in the works for this year. There are LOTS more changes coming up, but I'm not ready to talk about them just yet. It is very nerve wracking to have so many major changes happening, but I said this year was gonna be big, and I am getting what I asked for.

Jaron's Going Swimming With the Fishes

No, I haven't turned state's evidence against a mobster and therefore "going swimming with the fishes." I am literally going swimming with the fishes. Yesterday I made my reservations for Australia. I am going to Sydney and Cairns one month from tomorrow. I am oh so very excited! It is a bit surreal and the whole thing hasn't really sunk in yet. This has been in the works since October of last year and the whole thing has been up in the air so I haven't mentioned much about it. BUT, now it is official.

Great Barrier Reef, here I come!!!!!!!

A Work in Progress

I have come to realize that life is a work in progress. Things don't happen over night or even when you want them to, but I can see movement and for today, that's enough.

My Albatross: Working on it
My Achilles: Working through it
My Australia: Booking it
My Mission: Trusting it
My Struggles: Letting them go
My Life: Making it

Dear Kara

Dear Kara,

You know that thing. You know, THAT thing we have been talking about. I did THAT today. All I can say is girl, I still got it ;)

I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Your friend,

Jaron

Um, Nothing

*Warning: This may seem offensive to some.*

So, the last few weeks have been less than eventful, unless you count all of the awful things that keep happening, but I'm not. I have been thinking about what I can do to have a new experience--you know, I need writing material until the good stuff comes. So I thought and thought and thought and thought and wasn't coming up with anything. Then, as I was sitting at my computer one night a commercial for eharmony came on.

This is where the potentially offensive part comes in.

I think the whole online dating thing is kind of a joke. For me it reeks of desperation. I am one of those people that thinks you will get what you are supposed to have you just need to have some patience. Of course online dating is going to be successful. People want someone to want them. If two people sign up for online dating they are in the same place as far as what they are looking for, right? Now, don't get me wrong, I have had plenty of friends who have met wonderful people online and gone on to have wonderful relationships. However, it is just not something I think I could tell other people I did. This does not make me an elitist, so don't be offended. It is just a personal choice.

But, the other night I was sitting here and that stupid commercial came on . . . and so I got online and took the compatibility quiz. Hmmmm. Well, twenty-some-odd minutes later I had been questioned and they had found seven people who they thought I was compatible with. SEVEN. At first I was like seriously? And then I thought I am really just not compatible with other people. I know this and I got a little giggle out of it.

24 hours later

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, incessant dinging. Within 24 hours I had been matched with over 70 men from Fort Wayne. Um, I didn't even know there were 70 single men in Fort Wayne--I do now. I got back online and looked to see what they had found for me, and I came to realize that they had gotten my compatible matches on the fact that I don't smoke, I don't care if people drink, I go to the gym every day, and I like movies. Um, I kinda feel like there has to be more to it than that. I am a person who can tell within about 5 minutes if I can stand to spend time with someone else. I don't really base my feelings on whether or not someone else goes to the gym.

So, after the incessant dinging I couldn't stand it anymore and I had to delete it. I had to. Yes, I could have made the dinging stop, but really I don't want to base my relationship on the fact that I don't smoke, I can read, and I go to the gym. Um, no thank you. But, you know what's awesome about it? I learned that there are single people in Fort Wayne, AND I have something else I can say I did--even if it was only for 24 hours ;)

So . . .

This whole 30 in 365 thing is about the 365 days of my 30th year, right? Putting myself outside of my comfort zone, right? Right. So . . . today I went to the doctor. Allow me to preface by saying I hate going to the doctor. I didn't used to hate going, but for some reason now I do. In fact, I haven't even stepped foot in a doctor's office since July of 2009. Today I went to the doctor--anxiety in tow. I will save you the gory details, but it should suffice to say that I made myself go and that is one "event" I can check off of my to do list. I will tell you that she said everything looked a-ok.

But, here is the real kicker . . . and the reason I made you read the previous paragraph, because I am sure you were thinking TMI! I got my shots. Now, you may be thinking "Is Jaron a dog and I didn't know it?" While I have been called a bitch from time to time I can assure you I am not a dog. Instead, I had to get my shots for my ventures out of the country!!!! Yes, there are some totally awesome things in store for the next few months, but I will save those stories for another day. Trust me, they are stories you aren't gonna want to miss!

Control

Oh how I wish I had grand adventures to report. But, I don't. Let me just say that the last two weeks have been pretty shittastic. I could begin to explain, but that would take hours, hours I don't have. The problem with all of the shittasticness (hey, it is my blog I will make up words if I want to) is that I have no control over any of the things that are going on. As much as I wish I had control, I have none. And on top of it, all I keep hearing in my head is Janet Jackson singing "Control." And, what is the deal with the 80s songs? Geesh!

I am surrounded by pain, fear, heartache, anxiety, hurting (physical and mental) and I have no control over any of it. Please do not read this as she is depressed, blah, blah, blah. I'm not. This isn't just me, it is my friends and family--horrible things just keep happening. I feel helpless. Unlike Ms Jackson, I have no control. The only thing I have control over is my own body, and I have been exercising that control--literally. I have been to the gym almost every day since I joined, and I haven't gone over my 1400 daily calories either. Why? Because it is the only thing I can control. One good thing that has come from my lack of life control is a five pound loss.

I know that without pain there cannot be growth. I know that without sorrow we cannot appreciate happiness. But, I am tired of the lack of control. I am tired of the shit storm. The time for something else must come. It's time. It's just time.

Read, Read, Wine

I am pulling from my inner Beckett here, so this may not make a lot of sense. There are lots of things currently flowing through my head (as you can tell by the title). Consider yourself warned.  
Read, Read, Wine you make me feel so fine . . . I am an escapist. I feel I always have been. That's why I love to read. That's why I love SK. I get so caught up in the stories that I forget about me, my life, and sometimes I like it that way. It makes me feel so fine . . .One of the things that I have wanted to do is read more. I used to read all of the time, but when your job is to read things until your eyes cross some of the luster wears off. But, since I am not currently "working," I have had time to read. Moments ago I finished Just After Sunset. It is a series of short stories (my favorite), and many of them are set in Florida. SK has a home in Sarasota and so reading these stories puts me there. I have been to the places he is referring to and these places bring up wonderful memories for me (although that isn't always the case for SK's characters).

The last time I was in Florida it was with my friend (see previous blog). He has been on my mind a lot lately and I don't really know why. So, reading these stories about places that I have seen and been to connects me to the memories--it also connects me to the story. I got to escape, even if only for a brief moment to a different time and place. SK has an amazing way of making that happen. We all have our gifts and writing is definitely his. Thank God for that.

The minute I closed the book I had a thousand thoughts running through my head. I thought about the story. I thought about how much I have missed reading. I thought about homophones (read/red). I thought about you-know-who. I thought about literature. I thought about Beckett. I thought about escaping, about how I use books and movies to do that. I thought about how much I want to make things happen. I thought about how I need to find a job. I thought about what's next . . .

Dear Diary

I was recently reading TIME and I came across an article about the 50 best iphone apps. I already had quite a few of them. I mean really, who doesn't already have Angry Birds, IMDb, and Scrabble? But I did find one that I didn't have and seemed to be right up my alley in this whole do the things you want to do thing. So, I thought I would try it out. It's called Lose It! It's an electronic food diary that is SUPER easy to use. It starts by asking you the normal questions like: height, weight, age, where you want to be by when, etc. It gives you the amount of calories you are allowed in one day based on the information provided, then each day you plug in any exercise you have done, and what you ate. It has lists of supermarket brand foods, restaurant foods, and foods you would make at home and all you have to do is plug what you ate right in. It is really easy to do. But, I have learned a few things already by doing so:
1. 1,400 calories don't go very far.
2. An apple=a Rice Krispies treat, but a Rice Krispies treat tastes WAY better.
3. 3/4 a cup of Special K (which I love) is really NOT a lot.
4. It is a darn good thing I joined a gym so that I can work off all of the calories I go over each day, because according to my diary if I exercise I can eat more (at least that how I'm interpreting it).
5. Maybe I can just buy bigger pants ;)

Getting Buffy!

Since March I have been struggling with my weight (do not misread this as I think I'm fat, etc). No matter what I seem to do I just can't seem to get rid of the few extra pounds I have put on. Maybe they magically appear after your 29th birthday instead of your 30th ;) Regardless, it has really been bothering me the last several weeks, and if being 30 is about trying new things and being the best I can be I am going to stick to it. So, today I joined a gym. When I was in my early 20s I belonged to a gym and I LOVED it--I was in the best shape of my life. But, they went out of business and I haven't belonged to a real gym since then. I am so stoked and can't wait to get started.

Hey, who knows, maybe if I work really hard I will look better in my 30s than I did in my 20s! This is me getting buffy :)

It's So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday . . .

Yes, that's a throwback to my teens. I will admit that I liked them, but that 's not what I want to talk about today. I've had something on my mind for a while and I have to talk about it. Being 30 has made me think a lot about change. When I was younger I hated change, but the older I get the more I begin to grasp change and look forward to it.

A few months ago I changed something in my life that I am still adjusting to. For much of my twenties I dated the same person and even after the relationship ended we remained friends. However, as time went on (years) we grew apart, but not in the way you would normally think. It wasn't one of those things where each person has different interests and moves on. It more became an issue of one poking at the other, perhaps out of jealousy. We would want to talk and see each other and it just became difficult. However, a few months ago we stopped talking all together. At first I didn't do it on purpose. I was working a lot and after a few days I realized I hadn't talked to him in a while. Then I started doing it on purpose. I felt that if he wanted to talk to me he would call me. I had done my part for years and years and if he wanted to talk to me he would. After that it became stubbornness. Both of us are equally stubborn and I am sure he thought the same thing I did.

It has been almost three months and as time goes on it becomes both easier and harder. I know how crazy that sounds, but it's the truth. Most days I feel like this was inevitable--healthy. I firmly believe that people come in and out of your life for a reason, but I don't know that I saw our friendship ending in this way. Some days it is difficult. There are things that I see or that I think about and I want to tell him about it. There are inside jokes that only he and I would understand. I see something and it will jog a memory and I will pick up the phone to text him, and then realize we aren't talking. This is in no way one of those "I love him and miss him blah blah blah" things. It is about understanding the purpose that people play in my life. It is about the changes that must occur for the things I want in my life to happen. I have known for a long time that there are certain things in my life that hold me back from grand adventures. The whole point of this year is about doing the things that I want to do and overcoming the things that hold me back.

I have come to realize that it's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday . . . but I know that saying goodbye creates opportunities to say hello.

J-O-B

My parents have always taught me that if you want something you have to work for it. I have seen my parents work and work and work, but growing up we never wanted for anything and if my parents ever wanted or needed anything they always had the money to do it.

I have had at least two jobs at a time since the day I turned 16. At some points in the last 14 years I have had four at a time--no lie! I love to work; it makes me feel accomplished. Up until a few weeks ago I was a teacher (main job). It is what I had done for the last 6 1/2 years, and I loved (almost) every minute of it . . . until about five months ago. Then it just turned into hell on earth. I had never has people show such disdain for others and do all sorts of other nonsensical things, but you don't need all the gory details. Needless to say, I am not teaching this semester. I feel like I am a pretty good teacher, and my colleagues have never said anything to the contrary--at least not to my face. So, I don't know whether or not I will ever go back, but for the next several months I am free--I'm also jobless (unless you count job number two and I don't since I don't make much money doing it).

Regardless, you would think that I would be freaking out, right? I mean I have all kinds of adult responsibilities and NO job. The sad thing is that I am not freaking out. I don 't even know why I'm not. Maybe it is because I realize I have worked more in 14 years than the average 60-year-old (sarcasm but only slight), or if it is this 30 in 365 thing or what, but I just don't care. Yes, finding a job is on the my priority list, but so is living. It has been a long time since I have felt like that's what I was doing (see blog 1). The last three weeks have been wonderful. I have done all kinds of stuff I haven't done, and while it isn't nearly as exciting as all of the other things I have planned for this year, for someone who is used to working 60 + hours a week that's an accomplishment.

I am the girl who believed that things worked a certain way. It is kind of like the fairytale that girls grow up believing, only not with the prince charming and happily ever after. I always thought you grew up, went to college, got a job doing something amazing that you loved (and more than likely went to school for) and made money doing it. That's my fairytale. I believe that what you make should directly correlate to how hard you work--I work much harder than I get paid. So, maybe this whole thing is really about finding the job I was born to do. Maybe it is about not being scared to leave my comfort zone and go for it! I have lots of talents and creativity and all I have to do now is find my niche.

Please God let me find it soon. Otherwise I might have to live in my car . . . hey, that'd be something I have never done, maybe I could write about that ;)

p.s. I was an English teacher, so yes, I do know the number rules and grammar rules and I normally follow them, but it is 1:22 and at this exact moment I don't care. Plus I'm off the clock, remember?

Thirty and Flirty and Thriving

I did it. I survived.

*Context*
I have never really liked my birthday. Having a birthday in December is somewhat difficult for obvious reasons. I love my friends and family dearly, but sometimes because of all of the other things going on in the month of December my birthday seems like it is somewhat anti-climactic.

This year was completely different. I have to say that this was probably one of the best birthdays ever. By the time I was done celebrating, I had celebrated my birthday a total of eight times. I can't even begin to describe how special I felt over the last week and a half. I had an 80s themed party, a dinner party, a bowling/80s band gathering and not to mention numerous dinners. The idea was really about celebrating the decade I was born in, and boy did I do that! I had an amazing week!  Now, I am Thirty and Flirty and Thriving. Take a look: